Garden Wars: A New Hoe

A long time ago in a Garden far, far away, there was a big old mess of weeds. The Garden was in internal strife, and the grass cutting powers of the Jedi Knives were no longer able to maintain order. Corruption engulfed the Garden as weeds and grass grew in abundance. All hopes rested on an ancient prophecy, that one day a powerful Jedi would come to rid the Garden of this evil.

Excitement spread throughout the Southfields Senate when a young man named Simon was found with whom the pitchfork was strong. Could he be the one to mow the lawn? A Jedi master took him as an apprentice and began training him. He learned how to use a lightmower, a deadly weapon in the hands of a skilled gardener.


After many minutes of training, Simon headed out into the Garden. With his trusty lightmower in hand, he fought his way through, clearing weeds from the patio and the lawn so that it was very nice and pleasant and just right in case you wanted to have a barbecue. Venturing further into the Garden, Simon encountered all manner of scum and villainy as he continued his fight against horticultural untidiness, but as he continued deeper into the Garden, disaster struck.

Simon found himself surrounded. Weeds blocked his every path, and his route back to the lawn was blocked by the terrible Death Bramble, a weed so powerful and so well routed into the ground that it seemed impossible to remove. Left in place, this nettle would surely engulf the peaceful lawn for good. Just then, the voice of his old Jedi master resonated in his mind, "use the fork, Simon". Reaching for his pitchfork, Simon made one mighty dig into the ground and uprooted the Death Bramble once and for all, thus ensuring the safety of the lawn. Back in the house the Residents Alliance rejoiced, but all the while knowing that in many parts of the Garden, the weeds were still there. One day, they would return...