Hair chronicles VII

Well, it's over. My long hair's gone at last! Unfortunately however it didn't happen quite how I'd imagined. When the time came to cut my hair short, I'd planned to go out in a blaze of glory, possibly with a temporary mullet and some hilarity. But my time came too soon when, trying to save a bit of money, I took my hair to the local Supercuts to get it tidied up. First mistake! The polish woman who cut my hair was truly one demonic wench. When Satan needs a haircut, chances are he summons this bitch. "Do you want to keep it the same style it was before?" she asked. "Yes" I replied. In hindsight, I probably should have told her what that was. By the time I cottoned on to what she was doing it was too late, and I walked away from Gloucester Road looking especially goofy.

Me and 'the do mark II' really didn't get on at first. My old hair and I were like peas in a pod. We laughed, we cried; they were good times. Now who was this imposter on my head? So smart and boring, it felt like we'd forever be enemies. But Christmas came and went, and he grew on me. Then I got a rather fetching brown jumper for Christmas. "This would go great with my new hair" I didn't say. Nevertheless, it did go, and now the hair and myself get on very well indeed!

So, my irresponsible scruffy youth is over. My long hair phase has come and gone, and now it's time to grow up! Oh, and find a new hairdressers...

Vanish rocks my world!

I wish to share with you my newfound love for Vanish cleaning products, but first let me set the scene for you. A little while back I bought a nice formal shirt to wear to a big family get-together (buying clothes for me is a rare occurrence, buying smart ones doubly so). By all accounts the shirt was a roaring success; rave reviews flooded in from parents and elderly relatives alike on the subject of how handsome I looked. Buoyed by this success I wore it to a PhD interview at UCL, and was promptly offered a studentship. So, imagine my horror one day when I fetch my shirt of dreams from the washing machine, only to find a big black stain on the collar. Ruined! To make matters worse, my woes were compounded a few weeks later when a rowdy house party left my bedroom carpet riddled with beer stains!

Then I decided to do something about it. I headed for the supermarket and returned with a Vanish stain removal stick and some Vanish carpet foam. Once the foam had been worked into the carpet I got to work on the shirt. "This'll never work" I groaned to myself as I rubbed the stick into the collar, "that's two pounds down the drain!". Then, all of a sudden, the stain started vanishing. I almost had to rub my eyes in disbelief as the entire stain disappeared without a trace before my very eyes! I returned back to my room with a smug grin, where I was greeted with one of the cleanest carpets I had ever seen!

Suspecting these products to be awesome, I decided to find out. I tested them with my trusty awesometer, and found a value of 72 Cobains per square Hendrix for the stick, and 60 CoH^-2) for the foam. Compare this with the awesomeness of your average slime mould (~80 CoH^-2) and you'll see this is pretty awesome!