Foods I have discovered lately: update

So it turned out I liked houmous more than I realised. Last week I managed to finish off an entire pot of it with six pitta breads in the space of one lunchtime. Of course I'd intended to eat a couple of pittas at a time, snacking my way through the day, but once I popped I couldn't stop. It's just really tasty, and moreish! The next morning I was in Waitrose looking to buy food for lunch when I found they did houmous in an even larger, 300g pot! I thought surely that'd last me a day or two, but again it was gone pretty swiftly.

By day three I realised what was happening: I was on that slippery slope towards houmous & pepperoni pizza, chocolate houmous, and pre-houmous starters (of houmous). I knew it wouldn't be long before I was found in a toilet somewhere in a sleazy LA suburb snorting houmous off some cheap whore's tits. But luckily for her I managed to break my habit just in time, and I haven't eaten houmous since.

This just in: raw sewage is bad for you

I was reading the BBC's coverage of the sewage crisis currently unfolding in the Firth of Forth near Edinburgh, when I came across this quote by a chap named Gordon Greenhill from Edinburgh City Council

Any raw sewage has human pathogens in it which has the capacity to make people ill.

I must say I was shocked. A quick search on Wikipedia confirmed that raw sewage is indeed bad for you. Needless to say I promptly cancelled my plans to go up to Scotland and swim in the stuff.

Charlie and his beef with the chocolate factory

If Roald Dahl has taught us anything, it's that chocolate is a magical thing, a thing of wonder that makes a child's dreary life worth living. But when I opened my Cadbury's Mini Eggs easter egg yesterday morning, there was no golden ticket for this Charlie. Instead I found a plastic packet containing just eight mini eggs. Shame on you Cadbury's! Although the mother egg was clearly large enough to contain as many of its offspring as you'd realistically want on an Easter Sunday, Cadbury's chose to give me eight. I mean, do you think this is really what Jesus wanted when he came back to life all those years ago? Of course not! I'm sure he'd have wanted children all over the land stuffing themselves silly with chocolate. Instead, a lot of children have gone hungry this Easter. For shame!